God

This is the zombie apocalypse, kids. There's no point in pretending there's a God anymore. God is dead. God would never allow this to happen, at least the God that all those religious people believed in back then, when the world wasn't covered in undead fecal matter. And yes, maybe Jesus was a zombie, but this just goes to prove that Jesus wasn't all that special, because outside your window there are like 5,000 other zombies who aren't pretending to be your savior. They're all out there to eat your goddamn brains straight from your skull and then poop it all over the place. The point being that Jesus was a fraudulent zombie, at best.

At least in this post-apocalyptic world, you can appreciate churches for what they've spontaneously become: zombie traps. For some reason, zombies are drawn to the lingering rancid smell of old church services, so once the doors are opened up, those guys just flood right in, and hopefully someone has the foresight (and arms) to run up and bolt the doors. So instead of shuddering with disgust every time you walk by a church, you can now feel warm inside knowing that it probably houses hundreds of the undead behind those giant, wooden doors. And if you start to feel religious, you can always sneak inside and slaughter whomever you want, which is what you're pretty sure churches were designed for in the first place.

Another nice thing about the existence of the undead is that one of your biggest fraudulent pre-apocalyptic worries is now moot. There's no need to fear or even wonder about what happens post-death. The mystery of the afterlife is gone; the answer is zombies. You're going to be a zombie. The guy who just tripped that old lady is going to a be a zombie. The girl who works with lepers is going to be a zombie. There's no need to believe in a fake god anymore, because you know and have accepted your fate. So go on, rub it in to all those folks who are still sitting around fearing god and praying. And while they're praying, go steal their stuff; they won't need it anymore once they've been disemboweled by the twenty zombies waiting just around the corner.