More on Hypochondria

You've already learned how helpful hypochondria over others will be when it comes to monitoring the human baggage you unfortunately need in case a hoard of zombies attacks. However, don't forget to pour wasteful amounts of antiseptic solution over every possibly zombie-tainted scratch you receive. If you have to cough, do it in private, where others won't suspect you. Any obvious problem with you might cause the distrustful, alpha-dog members of your human baggage to kill you in your sleep, which would really piss you off. The thing is, any minor injury or illness could easily lead to your death now, from any number of sources, and your death means less overall zombie killing.

Just because long-term illnesses are no longer a source of worry, don't get too comfortable in your constantly rash-covered and bruised skin. The little things you used to ignore because you assumed they'd either go away or reach the point where you could just go to an ER for emergency antibiotics can't be ignored now that the zombies have arrived. For instance, you'll have to start paying attention to your regular bodily functions. Because your diet will be unbelievably poor at times, don't be surprised when your fecal matter comes out a strange greenish color or the consistency of Jell-O, or when the somewhat suspect plant you ate yesterday appears in its complete form on the other side, even though you chewed it thoroughly. This is to be expected from time to time now, but it doesn't mean you have to assume it's natural. If there's someone you really, really trust or can overpower easily, have them take a look at every shit that seems suspect. Tell them you'll reciprocate, though you obviously won't.

Note that you will undoubtedly have a nonstop fever because you're constantly breathing zombie virus, even though it's not actually contagious when it's airborne. This is actually a good sign, because it means your immune system is functional and hasn't been compromised by that AIDS you probably contracted during your copious, anonymous sex in the days when you assumed everyone would be dead by Friday after the zombies started appearing. However, an increase in your increase in temperature should cause you to to fake a psychotic break and start heavily exhaling in the presence of all the human baggage around you. Because, hell, if you're going to die, no one else should be allowed to survive either.