Monday, April 27, 2009

Starting your day counterpoint.

So, as has already been mentioned, the worst thing that could happen for you now is to be killed or turned into a zombie and robbed of experiencing this brand-new world in all its awesomeness. That would be like getting the flu at Disneyland and having to spend the day in the weird-smelling nurse's station while the rest of your family goes on rides and inevitably forgets to bring you home with them.

So, to start your day, you'll have to wake up. This will be pretty easy because in the last few weeks, you've become unable to actually sleep. You may sort of nod off, but you're never far enough into sleep to not jump up at the slightest noise and grab the nearest head-trauma-inflicting object. Ever since zombies happened and work ended, you haven't really needed an alarm. This is great news because now that Rilo Kiley song is no longer synonymous in your head with the hell of waking up and going to work. Now you can listen to it while you stockpile rations. And that feels so much better.

Weekends.

Weekends no longer hold any meaning. At some point within the first month after the zombie apocalypse, you'll stop remembering or caring what day of the week it is. Someone in your group of survivors will probably be the annoying person who insists on remembering those things and reminding everyone about life before zombies. They'll incessantly talk about their family and the things they used to do and will want to stick to some sort of schedule or, god forbid, do some sort of weird, makeshift Sunday church service with people. The only upside to this is that usually, but not always, this person will end up being eaten pretty quickly.

You should spend your weekends much like you spend the rest of your days -- stalking your nearby secured area for any signs of weakness or zombie intrusion, talking to the other survivors in your group but tuning out when anything real or emotional comes out of them due to the fact that they'll probably be dead by the end of the week so there's no point in really getting to know them, and planning your own suicide in the likely event of your being surrounded by zombies with no chance of escape.

If you have an old man in your group, the weekends are also a good time to learn things from him like how to survive in war-time situations, and Canasta.

No comments:

Post a Comment